she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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