Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
