So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
