I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
