omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
