if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
