So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
