I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
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just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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