honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
