Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
