totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
