is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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