if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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