New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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