your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
