I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
