I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
