No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
