Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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