Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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