Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
