Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
