I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
