I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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