i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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