Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
