in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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