Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
