i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize