he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am midnight drunk by noon
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just pee around me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
