I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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