Nicole vs. Life
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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