i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
should my penis look like a turkey
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
