jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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