oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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