my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Four minutes until I can fart!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
