You're my little dorito
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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