God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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