the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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