get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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