I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
