Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
