I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
