Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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