So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
