he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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