remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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