Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Rumble strips road head = magical
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
