Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
