so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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