Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
