david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
