What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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