It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
