mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
