I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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