Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm passing your future prison.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Randomize
