If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm like, not good at living.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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