I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
