the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
