i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
