It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
