Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
