I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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