I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
